Where are those who move on in life without marriage and children?
I’m reading through various accounts about and by survivors of sexual assault, for an ongoing project. Here’s what I’m struck by: The constantly recurring idea that the proof of their “cure” or their ability to be integrated back into the world lies in….getting married and having children. It’s always, “Today, she’s happily married with three children,” etc.
You have to wonder, where are those who move on in life without marriage and children? I doubt that it’s that they don’t exist, but rather that the pseudo-pyshchiatric industry (and I happen to believe in psychiatry) that has expanded in range as much as in its outright bullshittery simply can’t conceive of people moving on without the usual trappings of “normalcy.” It’s also about defining “normal” or “moving on” only in acceptable ways – because, supposedly, only the ability to have sex and procreate can prove you’ve moved beyond.
And yet, no one considers the obvious solution: That perhaps fucking and producing children is no palliative or solution, and that not fucking at all ever might actually be a perfectly rational solution to having been harmed, in any way, by fucking.
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Image: Georgia O’Keefe, Black Iris, 1926